As the World Turns

The local radio traffic guy made this profound comment this morning...

"If you're heading eastbound this morning the sun is going to be in your eyes..."

He helps calm my daily fears that while I was sleeping the earth's rotation suddenly reversed itself.

Moron.

Forever young!

I'm enjoying my first cold of the winter season. So I thought I would attempt to soothe my throat by pouring myself a cup of coffee. The only other significant coffee intake I have ever experienced was while covering the 1998 Music City Bowl or as I like to refer to it...the Hypothermia Bowl. With a wind chill of 14 degrees I was willing to drink anything that might save my extremities. Wow I digress. Anyway I have always claimed that I can still cling to my youth if I abstain from enjoying coffee. In my mind adults enjoy coffee. Your Paw-Paw enjoys coffee. The boss enjoys coffee. Youthful, vibrant people don't enjoy coffee...at least in my mind. Well after having about 4 sips of my cup-o-joe I realized that I am still a yute (see "My Cousin Vinny") How do you people drink this stuff? My apologies to Juan Valdez.


By the way...I also learned that although coffee won't cure halitosis...it certainly will advance it.

Life Lesson #1120

Sometimes things don't go the way you want them to.














For instance...a self portrait of everybody for the Christmas cards. That's right...I'm a professional.

It's Iron Bowl Week

For those of you not familiar with the Alabama/Auburn rivalry...this picture pretty much sums it up.















Roll Tide!

***Disclaimer***
I will not be answering any questions regarding Alabama's recent loss to LSU. I've prayed about it...and now I'm fine.

Not quite PETA

So I'm talking to Anna on the phone today...here's how it went....


Anna: "Hello little chickens...thank you for your sacrifice."
Me: "Are you talking to a chicken truck?"
Anna: "Aww...they're looking right at me."
Me: "Thank you for your sacrifice?"
Anna: "Yeah...they sacrifice their lives so I can eat."

Well maybe the PETA activist wackos will take comfort in the fact that at least some meat eaters appreciate the selflessness shown by the animals who make their buffets and cookouts possible.

Nothing tastes worse than a selfish chicken.

My new pet

This just in from MSNBC.com's gossip columnist.

By Jeannette Walls

MSNBC

...A Partridge is coming to the defense of turkeys. With Thanksgiving around the corner, Shirley Jones, perhaps best known as the mom of TV’s “Partridge Family,” is speaking out on behalf of the fowls. “I have a special fondness for birds — and not just partridges, by the way — and all birds feel pain and fear,” notes Jones in a new video for PETA. “Turkeys — gentle animals who are every bit as interesting and worthy of our concern as dogs and cats — are treated especially badly.” Jones recommends trying a Tofurky or Unturkey vegetarian roast instead of a real bird.

Now I'm not a big fan of saying "never"...but...I would venture to say that you will never find me getting ready to carve the Thanksgiving Day Tofurky.

But what Shirley Partridge said about birds being worthy of as much attention as dogs and cats really hit home. I mean...she's right. So today I went out and bought myself a new pet.




















In this picture you see that I'm teaching him to fetch the ball. I like to call it fowl ball....yeah I know that's lame but you should have seen the look he gave me when I suggested we call it butterball!

Anyway...I have yet to pick up on any of this "pain and fear" emotion that Shirley spoke of. So far the only thing even remotely resembling emotion that this bird has shown was when he pooped on my flip flop.

Thanks for nothing Shirley Jones.

Roll Tide

Was I wrong in getting a Tennessee fan to take our photo in the Tennessee section of Bryant Denny Stadium after Alabama defeated the Volunteers 6-3? It's a small favor to ask considering I had to listen to the band play "Rocky Top" 273 times.

On an unrelated note I'd like to point out that I am wearing what is quite possibly the most hillbilly article of clothing short of a pair of overalls...the plain white thermal shirt. YeeHaw.