NOW I believe it

You know they say that Hurricane Katrina was coming ashore near New Orleans..."No way", I thought to myself, "...that can't be true." But wait...there are television reporters standing out in it to show me that it is indeed raining...and blowing...very hard..."Well NOW I believe it!"

Yet another instance of why I am thankful that I was part of the print media.

It may come to this

I'm having an issue with my dress socks today. So I'm considering a home remedy involving paper clips and rubber bands. But I want to be careful that I don't come off as too provocative.


















Is this too edgy for work?

Oh no.

"Brace yourselves, Chuck E. Cheese is set to open at Colonial Mall" - The Decatur Daily

Why Chuck? Why here? Why now?

I no longer have an excuse. It's 10 minutes from my front door.

Redneck Avenue?

Last night about 11:15pm I was working on my computer and I heard 5 gun shots in a row. Now considering it was multiple shots...I decided to call the police. I called through the main number because I don't want to be one of those people who ties up the 911 switchboard with non-emergency stuff. I get the dispatcher and I tell her that I just heard 5 gun shots north of me and she says very casual like..."Yeah...we've gotten several calls tonight about that." So I must live in a redneck town if a evening full of multiple gunshots are ho-hum. Where is Rosco P. Coltrane and Uncle Jesse when you need 'em?

"A father's nipple is just a fleshy substitute."

This story was sent to me by my buddy Andrew...who's wife Amy just had a baby a few months ago. Coincidence?....I sure hope so.

Infants in the 'Sucking' Phase of Development Are Also Soothed by Father's Breast

June 16, 2005 -- It's Father's Day and daddy has taken the baby for a walk. A few steps from the house the baby starts to fuss, so daddy picks her up and offers her … his nipple? ......

I'm going to stick with a good old fashioned game of catch in the backyard thank you very much.

Children of the Year

Well my sister, brother, and myself forgot my parents 41st wedding anniversary yesterday. Once again we will fall short of Children of the Year honors. Maybe next year.



















Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad.

Limestone County Choppers

My brother asked me to make some images of a friend and his custom built chopper this past Saturday. I struggle putting together a decent sentence and Mike here builds this thing from scratch. It's a great looking bike.

I can't run...help me Dave's Blog

Someone in Tokyo, Japan used Yahoo to search for "How do I learn to run" and flagged my post about Bree back in March. This is sad on many levels.

The clap

When I was in high school I had very few pet peeves..but one of them was the fact that the people in my class felt it necessary to clap all the time. If someone walked into the class after being sick for a few days...or if a teacher announced that a test would be open book...any of those type things...applause would follow. This bugged the crap out of me. Well I'm in training this week and apparently some of my co-workers have picked this up from my class of 1996. Am I just overly sensitive? Stop clapping....for the love...just save it!

I pooped on the rug again!

So this time I had to take him to the vet...considering this never happens and now it's happened just as the Resolve-Carpet Cleaner was drying on the first stain. Notice how brave he is at the vet's office. I can really see this animal protecting me if I ever need him. He jumped into Anna's lap like a baby at the pediatrician's office shaking and whining the whole time...little pansy.

*******update*******
I promise I'll quit talking about my dog's poop...you know...for a while...but I now know what made him sick. Stay away from the deli sliced pepper turkey my canine brothers and sisters...trust me.

Toothpaste burn

Should my toothpaste do this to me?










I mean I understand the need for Crest Cinnamon Rush toothpaste to be tingly and perhaps even give me a rush...but to burn any skin it comes in contact with...perhaps a bit much. I kind of look like that kid we all had in our class who would come to school every morning with a kool-aid stain on his upper lip.

Hey I'm alive!!...uh oh

LONDON - Some people bring flowers, others bring balloons. When Melvyn Reed's three wives showed up to visit him at the hospital, they brought an unexpected curtain call to his years as a double bigamist.

British police confirmed that after Melvyn Reed woke from his triple bypass heart operation earlier this year, his complicated marital affairs took a turn for a worse. All three of his spouses had turned up at the same time, despite his efforts to stagger their visits.

Media reports say that, upon realizing that something was amiss, the wives held a meeting in the parking lot, and learned that they were all married to the same man.

"Have you three met? Jean this is Denise, Denise this is Jean...Lyndsey this is Jean and Denise, Denise and Jean this is Lynsdsey..."

A triple bypass heart operation....how sweet...one bypass for each insignificant other.

I have obtained a copy of one of Mr. Reed's business cards.

I pooped on the rug!

That is what this face told me when I got home yesterday. Of course he didn't have to say anything...as you can imagine. Anna was the first to come across the scene so I was at least warned before I came home...nothing makes you want to rush home from work more than the prospect of having to clean up canine fecal matter with the kitchen spatula.

Since he hasn't done this since he was 7 weeks old...he was apparently just sick and couldn't help it. This just adds further proof to my theory that real kids are easier to raise than dogs. At least if a kid gets sick and loses all control of his functions...most times....MOST times...it stays in the diaper/pants. Of course by saying this I have doomed myself to having children who poop on the rug too.

72 years of romantic bliss

TOKYO - A Japanese man aged 104 and his 103-year-old wife plan to claim the title of world’s oldest married couple after hearing it had been awarded to two Americans.

“You have to have a lot of hope,” said Yoichi, a former civil servant, when asked the secret of living a long life.

“You have to want to be alive,” he said.

“What we enjoy most is spending time together,” he added.

His wife, who once worked as a nurse, appeared to shake her head as he spoke.

“You get bored just living such a long time. I don’t enjoy anything any more,” she said.

I'm sure she's just a joy to live with.

Arrrgh...talk to the hook!

In light of this breaking news story...

INDIANAPOLIS - The NCAA banned the use of American Indian mascots by sports teams during its postseason tournaments, but will not prohibit them otherwise....

The following is a statement from Pirate Louis "Dagger" Malone:

"On behalf of Pirates everywhere I would like to petition all athletic associations to consider following suit and banning the use of Pirates as sports teams mascots. I have contacted organizations such as the East Carolina Pirates, The Pittsburgh Pirates, and 1,427 middle and high school teams to petition them to abide by our wishes. Our group has also contacted Satan, The Wildcat Preservation Group of North America, the Save the Eagles Foundation, and the Tiger Affection Coalition with the intent of filing a class action lawsuit against anyone who fails to abide by all our requests. Thank you."

Malone went on to say, "Arrrgh" and "Walk the plank matey".

I just puked a little in my mouth

The following Yahoo! search lead someone to my site yesterday, "Hairy Holes". Now I know that my post called "Hairy Necks and Bullet Holes" is what flagged that search...but you and I both know that this individual wasn't looking for a witty monologue on novelty decals and bad haircuts.

Consider yourself warned

After seeing the way the Aruban authorities have handled things with the Natalie Holloway case I would like to issue a warning to everyone. If your spouse and/or significant other all of a sudden comes to you and says, "Hey baby let's take a vacation...how does Aruba sound?" Listen carefully friends....DO NOT GO. They are taking you there to get rid of you. They'll be booking one round trip and a one way ticket because they have no intention of bringing you back with them. The Aruban police better gear up because rednecks from all over are planning their vacations.

So pray for the Holloway/Twitty family. Aruba has given them nothing but heartache. No answers, no hope, nothing.

God just told me to shut up.

If you have anything to try to accomplish during your lunch break you will quickly find that 1 hour isn't really enough time to do anything but eat. The banks, the courthouses, etc...tend to make lunchtime frustrating. Today was one of those days for me. But as I walked into a restaurant to eat I sat down in front of ESPN. They had a special on an Alabama BASS fisherman named Clay Dyer who was born without legs and only part of his right arm. Here is a link to a story on Anglerguide.com. I couldn't really hear much of the story but the images were quite enough. This guy had overcome so much and not once during the story did I see him complain about it. I was able to hear this, "Dyer's future goals are to get his driver's license and to get married." There I sat griping to myself about stupid lunchtime issues. God had just told me to shut up and be thankful. Point taken.

Breaking News from the FDA

Anna and I took my sister's three boys to Chuck E. Cheese on Friday night. So the following story comes as no surprise to me.

New Birth Control Approved by FDA*
Could be most effective ever?

By Charles Edward Cheese/CEC Correspondent

The FDA announced on Monday that Chuck E. Cheese visitation has now been approved as an acceptable form of birth control. Federal Drug Adminstration spokesperson Toni Pasquale announced this decision after the agency found that 99.9% of all couples who visit a Chuck E. Cheese establishment put off having children for up to 5 years. "This is more of a psychological than physiological method" says Pasquale.

The CEC method is already available in many markets.

*This statement is in no way true.

$8.88 worth of love

While in Wal-Mart on Saturday afternoon buying a birthday present for nephew #4, Anna and I decided that we would play a little joke on both our families. I made a $8.88 commitment and bought a engagement ring from the Wal-Mart jewelry counter. We were going to spring this on my family at the birthday party and see how much oxygen my sister-in-law could suck out of the room. But Anna chickened out and I didn't push it very hard....we both realized that this could backfire in a huge way. See this huge piece of Sam Walton bling below. Note the rubber band that was applied to aid in fit.