My Greatest Hits Album

These are (in my opinion) the most memorable quotes from my blog over the past year plus a link to their original post. Happy New Year everybody!

If you don't buy me flowers you are the inconsiderate, selfish, lazy, waste of space my mother says you are.
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I mean...if you went through the emotional and physical drama of being shot at...wouldn't you hate to have that badge of courage imitated by anyone with a knowledge of their nearest novelty shop?
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This kind of reminds me of those old twilight zone episodes where a kid would find out that his mom was really a robot.
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For those two minutes I was back in 1990. Eleven years old...tight rolled jeans...lovin' me some Hammer.
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Women have Lifetime Original Movies and men have music. It's that simple.
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I didn't feel comfortable sleeping in the spider infested bed....but I knew if I had to open a long neck...they had my back.
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Oh and by the way....how many fair skinned,red headed guys named "Horatio" do you know?
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It's called "The Dirty Thirty"
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All I have to do is come up with an engine that will run off of dog hair. I would call it the Labradorian.
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I feel like any tear shed over a sporting event is a tear filled with testosterone.
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You had me at hello...now shut-up already.
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"Hey there's a penny in the urinal! I guess I'll leave it there."
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11. Top ten lists are stupid.
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"A father's nipple is just a fleshy substitute."
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"Why don't you pass him from your loins and then we will talk."
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So far the only thing even remotely resembling emotion that this bird has shown was when he pooped on my flip-flop.
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"A midget has broken into my house...not again!"